Against Time(Unearthed from my notes)

“As time flies, what remains the same?” is a question that popped out of my mind like a pricked balloon. The mental explosion left me with a lot of questions. Is there something that remains the same? If there were, what is it then? Instead of producing answers, each question creates more questions. All of a sudden, I asked myself what were the things I hoped never changed.

The question pricked me. And there, images, memories, started to flash in an explosive manner in my thoughts. There are a lot of things I wish never changed. And so do you.

You even cursed time for being too fast. Right? Well, I did too. Times flies, but what remains the same?

Of course, you have that special someone in your life whom you never wanted to change. Are you familiar with that experience of hoping? Of hoping that the things between you never would never ever change? Yeah. Forever. The feelings you share and exchange. Your bond. Your moments.

Those moments when you feel so powerful the two of you can exist without the world. Those moments when you wake up each day with the excitement of greeting that person “Good morning.” Those moments that you eat breakfast with a speed of turtle because you are thinking of that someone. Those moments when you arrive at school very late, but still smile because she’s just somewhere around. Those moments when you take pictures together and look at it hoping that a single thing won’t change. Oh, how many times have you wished to hold those moments in photographic stillness. But no. Such wish will never come true. Even photographs don’t stay still. Even photographs fall apart.

And when the two of you fall apart, such irony would happen. The one you used to the love the most, would become the one you hate the most. From there, eternal hate seems to be a reality.

It’s a dilemma of holding on or moving on. Which is a situation you never ever wanted to set foot on. For sure, we were once there and we asked ourselves, “Why did this happen?”

This is usually how emotional wounds(bloodless wounds hurt the most, right?) are formed  —an invisible wound. A wound that leaves no scars. Only memories. Memories that surface at unlikely times as if the memory has proprietary rights over you. Alcohol and cigarettes, even drugs become a useful set of friends at such times. Sometimes, hurting yourself is the only escape from the pain. Here’s a scene related to what I am talking about(I copied this from somewhere):

Person A: (Drunk) Alcoooohol is. . .  poisooon.

Person B: (Watching Person A as he pukes) Then why the hell do you drink it?

Puking sounds. . .

Puking sounds. . .

Puking sounds. . .

Person A: (Stares at Person B) Because . . . . Because there is something living inside me that I wanna kill.

“Only love can break your heart,” as a man named Neil Young would have told you. You can only hope such wound heals itself as time flies. And to roam around streets one evening and bump your eyes into someone you know or haven’t yet known and find yourself falling in love again. That’s the cycle of love –of life.

But you have choices you know. A lot of people say, to love is a verb, so to fall in love is a choice. You can love anyone if you just choose to. But speaking for myself(this really sounds helpless), I agree with my friend when he said,  “You can never teach your heart how to beat.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I asked, “As time flies, what remains the same?”

“Only the question remains the same,” someone answered.

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About deadeyes133

I have a twisted state of mind, and it happened to be twisted the right way.
This entry was posted in Diary, Essays (Mindfuck) and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Against Time(Unearthed from my notes)

  1. Judith says:

    reminds me of an ole country song
    phrase from the song:

    Now lovers are lost,
    Wrapped in their dreams,
    Tied in their thoughts,
    Bound by the depth of their love.

    That’s why I’m out of control,
    Tear myself down,
    Build myself up,
    Tear myself down again.

    I’m talkin’ to you,
    Trying to get through,
    Don’t want to hide,
    Lost in the mirror of love.

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